I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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