What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
