Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I party with great urgency now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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