checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
