honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
