Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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