well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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