So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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