but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
