So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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