Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
