so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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