i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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