At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
