no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
