so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
