Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
