I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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