I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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