we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
