She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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