worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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