i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
