that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's rum buckets o'clock
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
