I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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