So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
