I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
