i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everyone says I win the strip club
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
