apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
