Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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