Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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