Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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