I am puke
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
