just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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