I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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