I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a search helicopter?!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
