wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
