I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
