i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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