You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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