is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
