Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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