your thong is hanging out like whoa
i jhust puked up my retainher.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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