How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Me too!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
