I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
