i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
