So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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