I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
