theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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