And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
