Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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