I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
