i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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