i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
