shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
