A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
