It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
