Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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