Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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