You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
