It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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