I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
