your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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