I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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